If Rihanna only knew about this.

If a mop and a feather duster had a baby....

The Long-Wattled Umbrella Bird is no stranger to falling drops of water. It lives in the Choco rainforests in Ecuador and western Colombia. While the hanging feather wattle at its neck doesn’t expand upwards and shade the bird, it is inflatable and amplifies its powerful calls.

Wow. What a wattle.

Photos via Lost in Birding, Nat Geo

Bare bare birdie.

Laying shame to the Bald Eagle.

Clearly the Bare-faced Bulbul has nothing to hide. And yet, this Bulbul has barely faced human contact. The songbird was only recently discovered in central Laos twittering about the steep features of the limestone karst region near Pha Lom.

Photo via Bird Forum

Like Big Bird. From Creepy Street.

Take heed, dear readers and be very wary of the Cassowary. The flightless big bird can’t spell or count, but it will fight you for hardly any reason. It will charge approaching passers-by and if cornered, it will kick and blade you with a dagger-like talon on its inner toe.

When not picking fights, the Cassowary is a shy, omnivorous creature that lives in the tropical forests of northeastern Australia and in New Guinea. Powerful legs take it to speeds of up to 30 mph and the helmet (called a casque) helps it batter through underbrush while chasing after your sorry arse.

This photo could turn you vegetarian.

This is just wrong, creepy, and somehow hilarious all at the same time. Through selective breeding, the featherless chicken was created as a prototype for a new chicken breed that could be faster-growing and ‘environmentally friendly,’ meaning the energy that would otherwise be lost to the feather-plucking process could be conserved. We think there just might be better ways to go greener. Featherless chicken nuggets anyone?

Smile for the camera!

This rare, gorgeous bird hadn’t been seen for 40 years until a conservationist photographed it in the Colombian wild in 2005. The unusual beak looks as if it’s upside down, giving us the illusion of happiness. In truth, the Recurve-billed Bushbird has nothing to be happy about as deforestation for agriculture has reduced its habitat.