Creepy Animals

…they're really interesting.

Mar 2 2010

Cassowary

Cassowary bird.

Like Big Bird. From Creepy Street.

Take heed, dear readers and be very wary of the Cassowary. The flightless big bird can’t spell or count, but it will fight you for hardly any reason. It will charge approaching passers-by and if cornered, it will kick and blade you with a dagger-like talon on its inner toe.

When not picking fights, the Cassowary is a shy, omnivorous creature that lives in the tropical forests of northeastern Australia and in New Guinea. Powerful legs take it to speeds of up to 30 mph and the helmet (called a casque) helps it batter through underbrush while chasing after your sorry arse.

A young Frenchwoman who was studying these birds discovered that if you hold your hands together straight up over your head with index fingers extended, you can intimidate cassowaries into believing you are bigger and badder than they are. If I ever find myself in the forests of New Guinea, I would prefer to run or scamper up a tree, because they can disembowel you with a slash to the gut. Ulp!!!

One of these stole a sandwich from my two year old once. Thank goodness it was behind a fence.