"Do or do not... there is no try." Uh, try creepy as hell, Yoda.
Some say the wiseness of Yoda is unparalleled in the universe. Others say bats are just mice with wings and have the intelligence level of a rock. Now there’s a creepy animal that proves everyone wrong: meet the Yoda Bat. This tube-nosed bat was discovered in 2009 during an expedition to a remote mountain range in Papua New Guinea. The bat uses its creepy facial protuberance to locate delicious fruit. It also does an excellent job resembling a certain sage Jedi:
Creepy animal vs. animal-y creep.
Photo via Piotr Nasrecki/Conservation International and Flickr
The Pinocchio Frog was discovered in the remote Foja Mountains when herpetologist Paul Oliver saw an unusual amphibian perched on a bag of rice at the campsite. Oliver was unable to locate another Pinocchio Frog and suspects they dwell amongst the treetops. Let us celebrate this remarkable find with an excerpt from the original story:
Pinocchio: Oh, look! My nose! What’s happened?
The Blue Fairy: Perhaps you haven’t been telling the truth, Pinocchio.
Jiminy Cricket: Perhaps?
Way to lay it down, Jiminy. Turns out the male frog’s long, protruding nose points upward when it ribbits and hangs down low when it’s not. Nobody knows why. Creepy!
You know something’s up when you’re smelling a fresh bag of piping hot microwave popcorn in the middle of a steamy rainforest in Southeast Asia. Chances are you’re near a Binturong, a civet-like animal that dwells in the forest canopy eating fruit and small animals.
The Binturong has scent glands near its tail that produce a musk often compared to ‘warm buttered popcorn,’ corn chips and cornbread. Who’s hungry now?
The allure of the unique Blanket Octopus is its poetic defense mechanism. When the Blanket Octopus is threatened, a gorgeous scarf-like webbing unfurls from a set of arms tucked within its body, making the animal appear large, intimidating and creepy to potential predators.
Snooze. We’d rather see a blast of jet-black ink in the face. Who’s with us?
This would totally go with that new blazer I just bought.
Watch the blanket in action, accompanied by proper English voiceover work:
The Tibetan Fox roams the remote, parched earth of the tibetan plateau. This highly capable carnivore does a fantastic job of snatching small mammals with sharp teeth while appearing unapologetically smug. It also enjoys ample rest and relaxation in its burrow and no, it’s not impressed with this blog.
It would look even better next to a bowl of melted butter.
Crabs are some of the most delectable creatures the ocean has to offer. And just in time to ruin your day, we bring you the Japanese Spider Crab - the creepiest and largest of edible crustacean treats.
These behemoth crabs feed on shellfish and animal carcasses on the sea floor in deep waters near Japan. They are considered a culinary delicacy. Mmm…detritus never tasted so good.
Also to note is that Japanese Spider Crabs can grow to over 12 feet and may live up to 100 years. The terrifyingly tasty morsel in the photo above isn’t even all that big. This crab below was featured in Popular Science in 1920 and measures 12 feet claw to claw:
These two turtles experienced a different kind of plastic surgery. When they were wee turtlettes, they crawled through plastic waste that stuck to their small shells, holding them captive to the ring’s circumference and inhibiting proper growth. As they got older, their exoskeletons amazingly grew around the plastic rings! Man messes with Nature. Nature messes with Man.
Obligatory PSA: Cut plastic rings before discarding. Prevent yet another turtle from turning into a creepy animal:
The trap door spider = abomination of mother Earth and scourge of the insect world.
Wow. Seriously, Nature? You've really outdone yourself with this spider.
Love strange creatures? Hungry for more? Try this recipe for the creepalicious Cyclocosmia Spider:
- 1 small size spider
- 1/2 fresh coconut, flesh removed
- 1 large ancient Andean coin
Directions: Select a location in the Florida Panhandle. In a large hole, combine ingredients and let sit for awhile. Carefully remove top soil. The Cyclocosmia Spider should be firm to touch and ready to scare the bejesus out of you. Serves 1.
You know that feeling you get when something you’ve never seen before seems really, oddly familiar? Meet the Bush Dog. Could be a bear, badger, or fox depending on the angle. Either way, it’s creepy. These little Dogs of the Bush populate forests all over Central/South America eating small mammals and such. Despite an extensive range, only 15,000 remain.